Silence Isn’t an Option

For those of us who have been at this for awhile, it’s not surprising anymore when people argue. It’s one thing being silenced by strangers, but something else entirely when it’s our friends or family members.

What happens when, in our efforts to educate, we end up hurting those we love? How do we balance truth and sensitivity? I don’t think it’s possible. I avoid my personal story. I rarely speak about my firstborn. I don’t talk about my adoptive or biological families. I speak on ethics and corruption and trafficking and equal/human rights and entitlement and re homing and trauma and class warfare and coercion and saviorism and all the parts people don’t like to hear. Inevitably, someone is wounded. How does one pursue activism if they can’t discuss the issues they are trying to change?

Silence is complicity.

Adoption is woven into the fibers of church culture, to speak against it is nearly blasphemy. I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time searching scripture for a verse compelling enough to indoctrinate an entire subculture, a movement which promotes from their pulpits, proclaiming adoption as redemptive. (I’m now certain- the heart of Christ is broken each time a family is separated.) I grew up in an evangelical community and the gospel of adoption was infallible. I knew there would be resistance to my criticism, particularly when their arguments are armed in the will of God.

In the beginning, about 4 years ago, I held the naive belief that my lived experience and knowledge of adoption would eventually change the minds of everyone I personally knew. My voice carries truth, but not a lot of weight. For every example presented, there are 20 adoptive parents speaking on behalf of their “perfectly fine” adopted kids. This remains the dominant discourse, and until this changes, our collective voices will only scratch the shiny surface of adoption.

My transition was violent; ripped from the insulated place where most societal adoption perceptions exist, to a world with a little less peace, more responsibility, and a lifetime of explanations. Because, when you understand that all of it was avoidable, it would be irresponsible to remain silent.

Silence isn’t an option.


Photo cred: Anne Heffron


4 thoughts on “Silence Isn’t an Option

  1. Great post. I absolutely agree with you and also believe that Christ’s heart is broken each time a family is separated, whether it’s divorce or adoption. I love this quote by Augustine, “The truth is like a lion; you don’t have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Stephanie,
    I am a mother of loss to adoption (1966) I am now 70 years old and a Christian. I have campaigned to Churches throughout the UK,I have lobbied both Scottish Government and Westminster Governments, have partook in debates with Christians/Churches etc. And SADLY I echo your words Christians JUST DONT WANT TO NOW. What does the word of God tell us. Firstly..coming from the place that ALL scripture is given by inspiration of God.( 11Timothy 3.16) Psalm 139 13.16). Fearfully and Wonderfully made, our substance was not hid when GOD formed us in our MOTHERS womb, here we have God clearly in his word acknowledging MOTHER, so we mothers of loss ARE the MOTHER and only mother acknowledged by God. Then we have the Command of God in the Ten Commandments Exodus 20 verses16, Thou shalt NOT bear false witness, adoption IS bearing FALSE witness, as to change a babies identity is false (a lie) yet society and governments throughout the world where adoption is prevalent legislated for this LIE to happen when adoption took place. Matthew chapter 1 clearly shows the importance God put on our ORIGINS we have the ANCESTRY of the Lord Jesus Christ, from Abraham,David, to Jacob, Jacob was Joseph’s father, and Joseph was the husband of Mary. All scripture is profitable for REPROOF for CORRECTION for RIGHTEOUSNESS we read in 2 Tim 3:16, Yet Stephanie Christian adopters refuse to accept even scripture. Look at David, he took into his home, Mephibosheth, Jonathan’s son, to live with him PERMANANTLY, he never changed his name, and he would constantly share to Mephibosheth, his love for his father as a dear friend, therefore Mephibosheth would have healing from such loss, within a family who NEW his past, and would always acknowledge Mephibosheth God given family. No pseudo family, no lies, no deceit, for Mephibosheth, just COMPASSION CARE in the love of God. Mara ((((tartan hugs)))))

    Liked by 2 people

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