For those of us who have been at this for awhile, it's not surprising anymore when people argue. It's one thing being silenced by strangers, but something else entirely when it's our friends or family members. What happens when, in our efforts to educate, we end up hurting those we love? How do we balance … Continue reading Silence Isn’t an Option
There is another side to the current cultural narrative of adoption. #justlisten
What led you to adoption?
My intentions were to parent my daughter. I tried to make things work for several months, but around 8 months I was completely broken by a lack of resources and social support. My mother insisted that my daughter be placed for adoption. I regrettably conceded and contacted an agency.
Briefly describe your feelings during pregnancy, at the hospital, and the time with your child prior to separation.
I felt vulnerable throughout my entire pregnancy. I felt invisible at the hospital. The time spent holding my daughter was pure joy. There was a song that I listened to every day during my pregnancy. It’s called “Bells for Her” by Tori Amos. There is a line that says, “Can’t stop what’s coming, Can’t stop what’s on its way.” I felt like I was careening off a cliff with no way to stop it all.
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My daughter recently returned from a trip to visit her grandparents. While she was there she spent time having heart to heart talks with my mom. My mom is inquisitive and empathetic. She digs deep and loves hard, especially her granddaughter. One of their discussions included how my "unfogging" and consequent advocacy has effected Maddie. … Continue reading Center
The recent separation of migrant families has caused a wave of despair throughout the adoption community. We have watched children ripped from their family; parents being deported while their children are dispersed throughout the U.S., left in foster care, and in some cases, in the custody of well known adoption agencies. With their future in … Continue reading Is Adoption a Better Life?
My daughter wrote a post.
Sincerely, I See You
You (Adoption) are very prominent in my life, and I am affected by you almost every day. I lost my sister to you, and I think about her every single day. We talk sometimes, but it isn’t the same- the separation wedges itself between us and keeps us from becoming too close. I see you in my mother, who is broken from the loss of not just her daughter, but her mother. I was fortunate enough to have a mom and a dad who kept me and raised me together, but Adoption, I see you.
I see you in past relationships (with adoptees) who struggled with feelings of abandonment and loneliness; believing nothing would ever last. I see you in the children I work with- acting out in cries for attention and something that is a constant.
Adoption, I see the sinister side to you, the…
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Two families. Two lives. Not fully belonging to either. The mother who has prayed for me since the day I arrived. The mother who was there through every milestone, loving me fiercely. The mother who has been grandmother to my children. The mother who never felt ownership, but loved me like I was hers. The … Continue reading Adopted: The Place In Between
Christians grieve divorce like a death. They view it as family destruction, a broken covenant, and they mourn the loss a family will face. They offer counseling and resources in order to restore the marriage. The church community rallies around in support. They are very serious when it comes to saving a family from separation. … Continue reading Divorce and Adoption: The Church Responds to a Family in Crisis
Whenever I attempt to tell My Story I can feel the hands of a giant threatening to strangle me if I continue talking. I turn down interviews and offers to speak because I can't tell My Story. I don't like people looking at me and I certainly don't want people looking at me when I … Continue reading Now That I Know
During the last few years I've had several conversations with other Christians and church leaders about adoption. I walk away feeling disappointed because I expect them to embrace truth even when it's uncomfortable. Or, at the very least, be willing to explore this idea that adoption might not be the best possible solution for a … Continue reading The Church and Adoption: Part of the Solution or Part of the Problem?
"If you hadn't been adopted you might never have known Jesus." This was said too often in my Evangelical upbringing. In conversations with several other adoptees, I've discovered this statement was on repeat throughout their lives as well. It's safe to say this reflects the mindset of many Christians in regards to adoption. When I … Continue reading Adoption: What Would Jesus Do?